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COPING WITH STRESS

I have no memory of the accident, Nov. 11, 1971, or of the time I spent in neuro-surgery intensive care at University Hospital in Ann Arbor. I recall nothing of my transfer to the Rehabilitation Institute in Detroit 1½ months later. My memory begins when I was already in my bedroom at my parent’s house. I had scars on my body and a cast on my arm. I couldn’t walk, talk or go to the bathroom by myself. I did not know why I was at home and I was too afraid to ask anybody.

WHEN I BEGAN TO BE AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS IN LATE JANUARY 1971 OR EARLY FEBRUARY 1972, I LIVED WITH TERROR ON A DAILY BASIS. I had no knowledge of the Rehab. Center or what a catheter was and yet those words frightened me. I thought that I was having a very bad dream & couldn’t wake up. I didn’t understand why I was not at school in Ann Arbor or why I had marks on my body (stitches & scars) or why people were asking how I was feeling. CONFUSION AND FEAR TORMENTED ME. My life seemed to be in total chaos.

I HAD MANY FEARS ABOUT RETURNING TO THE REHAB CENTER for outpatient physical, occupational and speech therapy BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID I WOULD NEVER GET AWAY AGAIN. I believed that the Rehab Center was torturing me. I remembered being pushed in a bed down a long passageway. I remember bright lights and being taken to a place where I was treated badly. I thought I was kept underground. At that time the Orthotics Department was in the basement of the Rehab. Institute.

I have no memory of my accident or of the time I spent as an inpatient at the University Hospital in Ann Arbor. I also have no clear recollections of the time I spent as an inpatient at the Detroit Rehabilitation Institute. WHEN I RETURNED TO THE REHAB CENTER AS AN OUTPATIENT IS THE TIME WHEN MY CONFUSION TURNED INTO TERROR. I was an outpatient for three months and my fears didn’t abate until my treatment at the Center was completed. In order to live with my terrors. I insisted that my mother sit where I could see her while I attended each of my therapies. I thought that if I could see my mother, The Rehab Center would be unable to snatch me back.

I was terrified for as long as I was an outpatient at the Detroit Rehabilitation Institute. At the end of my treatment my parents took me to New York for a vacation. I remember that I felt free when the plane left the ground. I secretly hoped that my life would return to the way it was prior to the injury when I returned from the trip. Unfortunately it did not and that became another loss I would have to contend with.

The specific fear of being returned to the Rehabilitation Institute lasted for only three months. As I began to learn precisely how I could implement old behaviors, I WAS CONTINUALLY FRIGHTENED BY THE PROSPECT OF MY OWN INABILITY TO ACCOMPLISH EACH NEW TASK.

Every day I would try to do a little better than the previous day. There were times when I was successful and there were lots of times that I wasn’t. On the days that I was able, I’d push myself to accomplish as much as I could. The next day, I’d be totally exhausted and hardly able to care for myself.

When I’m totally depleted, I lose my balance and become uncoordinated. My ability to see and focus is compromised. Speech is slurred and complete exhaustion overwhelms me.

The only strategy that I use is my absolute refusal to give in to fear. I’ll find another way to do whatever it is that I’m trying to do. I break the fear by cutting it into tiny pieces. Then I work on mastering each small piece. I put a lot of small pieces (skills or behaviors) together and I then I’ve conquered the larger task that had been terrifying me. Since my injury I have used dogged determination to achieve goals and make progress.

I was terrified for as long as I was an outpatient at the Detroit Rehabilitation Institute. At the end of treatment my parents took me to New York for a vacation. I remember that I felt free when the plane left the ground. I secretly hoped that my life would return to the way it was, prior to the injury when I returned from the trip. Unfortunately, it did not and that became another loss I would have to contend with.

Loss and fear dominated my existance. I WAS CONTINUALLY FRIGHTENED BY THE PROSPECT OF MY OWN INABILITY TO CARRY OUT EACH NEW BEHAVIORAND ACCOMPLISH THE TASKS I ATTEMPTED. Therefore, each day I would try to do a little better than the previous one. There were times when I succeeded and other times that I did not.

On the days that I was able, I'd push myself to achieve as much as I could. The next day, I'd be totally exhausted and hardly able to care for myself. Then I would get totally exhausted and loose my balance and coordination. My ability to see and focus would be comprimised, my speech would get slurred and complete exhaustion would overwhelm me.

HOW DO I COPE?

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